The Healing
‘Çommunicate, even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is simply getting everything out. ~ UNKNOWN.
My life as an author is going ahead in leaps and bounds. That satisfying feeling when the perfect cake is rising or when the finishing line in a marathon is a mere crawl away. The word gratitude is now coming out of my mouth more often than it ever did.
My whole life has been about proving myself and achieving; driven by a need to constantly be recognised as an equal.
On 25 January, many years ago, I became a mother for the first time. Like many mothers, I was torn between juggling a career and motherhood. As someone with a creative mind that races faster than a whirlwind, at times, I struggled with keeping it from spinning out of control. Growing up deprived and ridiculed had in many ways shaped my existence. This imbalance, more often led to repeating the same mistakes and caused greater chaos in my mind. Staying in tune with the rest of me was hard to maintain.
Eventually all this took a toll on my nervous system. My anxiety and panic disorder went through the roof. The drive for perfectionism and an intense need for validation and acceptance had led to depression when I couldn’t be everything.
Four years ago, I started paying attention to my out-of-control emotions. The deep searing pain and a rising discomfort with who I wanted the world to see had led to questioning who I am. I struggled to listen to those close to me who cared about my wellbeing. I thought they were being overly critical and, stubbornly, I thought that I could work it out. When panic took over my life, it dawned on me that I couldn’t do it on my own. I came unstuck to the point where I could not leave our home. At that low point, I sought professional help. Through facing the trauma that threatened my well-being, and recognising my addiction to proving my worth, whatever that means, I was able to start putting things in perspective. I am still a work in progress.
I was fortunate to find a healer. And this led to significant changes in my thought pattern. The healing sessions, those moments when I could let go of the battle raging inside me, always left me feeling refreshed, calm and filled with a renewed strength. The combination of talk therapy and healing sessions instilled a sense of optimism about the future. Something about the beating of the drums, the rattlers, the smell of sage and the sound of singing bowls filled me with a deep peace. My mind usually drifted to the place where I wanted to be. Right here fulfilling my destiny.
My new book, Behind my Smile: A True Story of an Author, a Broken Spirit and a Healer details the full story of my road to recovery. This story is essential reading for anyone who knows what it means to hover on the edge and find a way to dive back into life. Prepare yourselves for a bumpy ride!
‘You can only experience true healing when the mind and the spirit are on the same level.’ ~DR GEOFF LYONS
My healing journey allowed me for the first time in a long time to feel at peace, and to settle the mental anguish about my future. My future definitely looks very bright.
Comment (1)
What a beautiful piece Beryl. It resonated with me, particularly when you said: I am a work in progress.
Recently, the power of sharing our stories were amplified in my life. I find it fascinating that when I put down my thoughts on paper so that I can make sense of it, will also help others when I share it.
Thank you that you are so freely sharing your experiences and awareness’s. It is serving humanity.